The Most Ridiculous Person

Behold, the titular Ridiculous Person, in all his resplendent glory. Click for hilarity

I refer to entry #26 at the Ultimate Start Up Space webpage from a certain Mr. Freddy Ng. Poised against the backdrop of a cheap looking curtain, Mr Freddy tells of his business venture, a haven for studying students. He does this in a manner and tone utterly devoid of panache. His idea as well is asinine and inane.

It’s almost as if Mr Freddy and his group of  equally vacuous friends one day lamented the sad fact that cafe proprietors do not appreciate their sniveling presence, their tacky sandals and cheap shirts which scream “I’M PART OF THIS INGROUP”, and most importantly, their contrived schemes to not actually purchase anything from the establishment. Now, Mr Freddy and Friends probably feel like the Golden Sons of Singapore, and concomitantly a sense of entitlement to deprive any hardworking shop owner from an honest days earnings by refusing to acknowledge the entire concept of capitalism, plopping their lardy asses down on a seat, and ordering the token glass of water which lasts them the entire duration of their self serving pursuit.

Now, perhaps Mr Freddy still does not realize he’s depriving honest people of profit, or he’s simply a spiteful, pestilent boil on the collective bottom of good, industrious folk. So what comes next completely takes me off guard. Mr Freddy then proceeds to dream up a scheme so insipid that a ten year old would call him out on it. His plan involves a safe haven for students to study, without incurring the righteous wrath of shop owners everywhere. What Mr Freddy doesn’t realize is, there are plenty of students in Singapore who are just like him : socially challenged, vapid, self serving study zombies who think nothing of disrupting someone’s meal with their pedantic discussion on the physics of fluids. Calculator toting, stub nosed, weevil faced Mr Freddy is in for a surprise. There will be nary a student who will visit his establishment and repay his hospitality by purchasing his “premium coffee”, which will incidentally taste like DOG CRAP. The nasal toned Mr Freddy whose manner of speaking has entirely been gleaned from primary school oral examinations does not have a clue as to how to tackle anything outside the locus of mechanical engineering, physics, mathematics, or whatever subject it is he pedantically rote learns. I do not expect that it is an oversight on my part to assume that he possesses none of the skill and finesse of a barista.

Mr Freddy, prepare to fail in a manner that can only be described as epic. Maybe you’ll make Failblog. The entry, titled “The Coffee Service” can be voted down at http://www.ultimatestartupspace.com.sg/#/rate-entry/26

p.s The act of mugging refers to robbing someone. Not studying.