ultimatestartupspace.com.sg or O Bacchus! Hear my cries!

While I’m not predisposed to shamelessly plugging events and products, this one deserves particular mention for almost telepathically reviving my floundering hopes for the Singaporean pub scene. And while cognac isn’t my poison of choice, I must say that Martell VSOP certainly is being very kind to my entrepreneurial instincts.

Close friends and family of mine who are privy to my shamelessly opinionated stance against large corporations will question my decision to participate in this event. “You’re a sellout!”, the ineluctable cawing and baying echoes around my online social circles, but not within my conscience. Sorry fellas, I’m a sellout and I’m proud of it, if the good people over at Martell deign my idea worthy of Bacchus and Dionysus they can fill the fairy cup with Martell VSOP cognac for all I care.

The floorplan for the proposed space.

That boxed in X in the middle of the space? Thats where the fairy cup goes.

I’m no architect, and I have no idea what that little box in the middle represents, but with sufficient arm twisting the rendition of the floor space will resemble my conception of a warm, intimate setting. No, I don’t care if it’s a vent that’s necessary for ventilation at the expense of possible safety hazards, imbibing tepid cider alongside a gaudily disguised air vent is an even greater evil than involuntary asphyxiation.

By now many of you will be hemming and hawing over my absolutely appalling disregard for one of the laws of nature (self-preservation), but I assure you, the incommensurable delight one derives from sipping their intoxicant of choice far removed from any jarring design influences takes precedence over an individual’s health and safety.

Bacchus, God of Wine

A man does not die of love or his liver or even of old age; he dies of being a man. ~Percival Arland Ussher. I may have misconstrued this quote, but I'm self-seeking like that.

Let’s get down to the nitty gritty of things. Why is this T-shaped space so pertinent to my idea? I came home on a Saturday night, sinus cavities and bloodstream free from the insidious influence of cigarette smoke and alcohol, to find this rather interesting post on YoungUpstarts detailing (the promo video is available here too) the Ultimate Start Up Space contest. It’s interesting to say the least. The floor space is 760 sq ft, and funding to the tune of $20,000 is provided. If the website is anything to go by, I’ll be provided with an executive education program from INSEAD. If a framed degree from “Institut Européen d’Administration des Affaires” doesn’t lend credence to my self proclaimed European sensibilities, I don’t know what does. What it doesn’t lend credence to, however, is my horribly unrefined photoshopping skills.


Photoshoppery at its finest.

I’ve painstakingly mapped out the areas of the proposed bar counters, yes painstakingly, it took me a grand total of fifteen minutes to figure out how to re-size the image in order to draw lines. The only notable deviation from my original plan is the booth in the bottom left of the floor plan. It’s for raucous yuppies to gather, removed from the fine, upstanding patrons savouring their drinks. An area of shame. I expect it to be uninhabited.Perhaps even a new job opening for “annoying, menu-providing waiter constantly hovering around table making uninformed choices for exceedingly uncultured patrons”.

Behind the bar counters will be the well-stocked displays, for patrons who aren’t predisposed to amiable conversations to peruse. Remember the no menus policy? It’s still in effect. The three bartenders will make recommendations based on trivialities such as The Weather, Your Mood, Your Bosses’ Mood, Your Wife’s Credit Card Tab, If Your Dog Had a Poo in Your Shoes, and How Unbearable The Commute To Work Was. Perhaps the apprentice bartender will handle the purchase of bottles to take away. The glaring lack of tables situated on the floor space is intended. Eden Hall wants patrons to lean over bar counters and forestall the ill results of a menu-less bar by engaging the bartender in  informative conversations. Who knows, they may even find out they prefer French Connections to Manhattans.

I’ve got until the 12th of February to tweak my idea to acceptable standards of normalcy. Check back soon for updates. What do the less deviant minds of public consciousness think?

Here's hoping. Brownie points please? Martell VSOP's Ultimate Start Up Space brick and mortar storefront.


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